Birthdays

Today is my son's 31st birthday and I don't know how to reach him. It's a real complicated story, but I didn't raise him; my aunt did. She fought tooth and nail for him when I decided to relocate to Alberta from my hometown of Toronto. I was 18 and naive. She was 25 and determined. It didn't help my case that I left him in the care of my grandmother (her mother) while I took a trip to Calgary to test the waters. In hindsight, this was pre-planned from the minute I left him. The bottom line was that they didn't want him to move out of the province and did everything they could do to make sure that didn't happen. They had money; I didn't.

The fight went on for 4 years. I travelled back and forth from Calgary to Toronto several times during these 4 years. I had 3 different jobs and my husband had 1. We were doing what we could to set up house to provide our son a good home.

In the end, my husband and I separated and he, out of spite, decided to help them in their quest for our son.

On the day I lost Randy, I flew back to Calgary in numbness. I moved away to start anew with my second son, Adam, to Edmonton. After 2 years we relocated to Toronto.

We got to see Randy whenever we wanted but it was tough. There was a lot of resentment towards my family. Randy was spoiled rotten because they felt guilty for taking him away from his mother and in the end... Randy looked for a way to numb the confusion and pain from a scarred childhood. He turned to drugs.

I saw the signs and shared this with my aunt. She was vicious and mean and unbelieving until she put him through treatment. Randy has been through treatment 4 times now. He is unreachable and still using. I can't save him, he can only save himself. I wish I knew where he was today so I could sing him Happy Birthday and tell him I love him.